My Son Self-Diagnosed Himself with Autism

On November 25th, 2019, I received a phone call.

My Son: Mom, I have something to tell you.
Me: Shoot.
My Son: I have autism.
Me: Oh wow! When were you diagnosed?
My son: I wasn't.

I'm not quite sure of the feelings I felt when he told me. In the span of a few seconds, I remember thinking to myself, "When in the world did he see a doctor?" When he told me he didn't, I chuckled a bit because I recalled all the many times I've self-diagnosed myself with all types of ailments, without being seen by a professional. I even recall an episode on television (Grey's Anatomy, I believe) where the doctors jokingly told their patients to "stay off of the internet, you'll freak yourself out for no reason." The point is, I thought my son was jumping to conclusions, until I heard him out.

My son and I have a rather goofy relationship, so when he began to get frustrated with me, I essentially had to access a different part of my brain - the part of my brain that tries to comprehend abstract concepts and rewires societal norms that have been surgically knotted in my frontal cortex. I pride myself in being openminded, but the notion of raising a child it's whole life and missing something as important as autism seemed incomprehensible. After going back and forth with him, he finally says, "Mom, do you believe me? Yes or no?" My reply was as follows:

Me: The answer is definitely not no, but I can't say that it's a solid yes either. What I can say is that I understand that you are actively seeking answers to why your brain works the way it works. You've taken personality test, listened to podcast, and even asked me questions about your childhood traits. But, you are not a doctor. You are not an expert son. I don't want to be dismissive, but I also do not want to be illogical. If you really feel this way, see someone. Get tested. Get it confirmed. 

After my response, I felt a sense of - I nailed it-ism, but that bubble was soon busted. In frustration, he goes on to ask a higher order thinking question - Why do we as a society can't just accept being on the spectrum as a normal thing? He then points out that society also thought at one point that being gay was a medical condition and other research that suggest that young black boys are prone to... (confirm facts). After going on and on, he apologized and realized that he may have been coming off as being disrespectful. On the contrary, I needed him to vent. I needed him to express himself in this manner, because it helped me understand a viewpoint that has never been presented to me - it helped me open my mind. This is now how I understand it.

I image there being an adolescent child that is experiencing social-emotional turmoil, but doesn't know why. Later, after years of various symptoms, added life experiences, and a high volume of knowledge acquisition, this now young adult comes to understand what that turmoil was - depression. This young adult has not been officially diagnosed with depression, but they know their body and is very clear on how they've been affected. 

They say that life and death is in the power of the tongue (or something like that).